Shocked

This weekend had a shocking surprise. A surprise that I’m still not even sure I can articulate. A surprise that wasn’t all that happy.

I have spent the last 4 months attempting to move on with my life after a relationship that I thought (and hoped) was going to be long-term ended abruptly. All in all, I’m proud of myself for coming as far as I have, but I’m still not completely better. I still miss him, I still miss our memories. I still dream about him, wonder how he’s doing. My heart still hurts when I remember an inside joke or see something around my apartment that reminds me of him.

In day-to-day life I’m OK, and have even began thinking of and actually dating again, which is a big step, but it sure didn’t take much to bring everything I’ve been working for to come crumbling down all around me when he decided to show up out of the blue on Saturday evening at the Sounders game to say “hi”.

Sparing all the details, suffice it to say that since that 10 minute conversation, my world has felt like it’s been knocked flat on its back, and my emotions have been all over the place, with the most prevalent emotion being anger.

How dare he think that he can just show up and say a casual hello after ripping my heart out! I told him the last time I saw him that I could not be friends with him, and I made it clear that I did not want him to be involved in any part of my life by blocking him from social media. What made him think blindsiding me at the game was a good idea? It brought up s0 many questions, the main one being why? Why did he do that? Why did he want to see me? What did he hope to achieve? Why is he so insensitive to my heart, to the love I had for him? If there had been an actual conversation that he needed to have with me, on a serious level, then it’s a different story, but to just pop by and say “hey” is not enough of a reason.

On Sunday, I was still shell-shocked and processing the fact that I had actually seen him, so decided to spend the day alone with my favorite gal. I wanted to get out of the city, so I opted for a dog park on the Eastside with lots of room to run and play. We spent a couple hours there, me, strolling along and Ginger running like a wild dog through the tall grass.

You can tell from the sloppy, happy look on her face that her day was made complete.

Nothing says happy, tired dog like a long tongue sticking out.

This is right before she flopped over and rolled around for several minutes. She really loves that tall grass. She also managed to jump in the water for awhile which in turned caused us to walk another lap around to dry off.

Spending time with her always helps me calm down and focus. She really is the best decision I ever made.

I’m still processing everything, and trying to figure out how to get back, how to undo the emotions that got all knotted up this weekend, and I know I’ll get there eventually, I just need some time. Thankfully, I have CrossFit for the next three days to give me something else to focus on. Here’s hoping the rest of my week goes well.

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