What do you do?

I’m pondering a lot lately, which is not necessarily anything new for me, but still, it’s an adventure to be in my head. I think I’m ready to date. Actually, I know I’m ready to date. It’s been nearly one year since the break-up and I have grieved and dealt with everything, I’ve dated a little along the way of this process, but now I feel truly ready. I’ve been sorting through a lot, trying to really figure out what I’m looking for, and coming back to a place of understanding who I am at my core; my values, and what I want for myself. I know that all of these steps along the way were necessary for me to come to this place of readiness. I don’t know who will show up and be the guy who waltzes into my life next, but for the first time in a long time, I’m ready to find out.

But what happens if you meet someone who has these things that you’ve been looking for, and they don’t really give you the time of day? What happens when you feel like you’re not even given a chance to be known? Why does it just feel like I’m waiting all the time? Why do I not get the opportunity to make the decision? A lot of the time, I feel as though I’m on the sideline, the area that’s not quite as good as other women out there, so I just sit and wait, hoping that some guy will decide I’m worth his time. This is just bullshit (pardon my language).

Ultimately, I think I’m a really great and special person, and I know I have key people in my life who feel the same way, but there are times and moments when it doesn’t feel that the other billion people in the world feel the same (I’m exaggerating, so just go with it for now). But do you understand my point? So, is the key to eliminate the people who make me feel that way? Is it to change parts of myself, hoping to feel OK? Should I just be a calloused person and not even care?

I think most people vote for just not caring what “other people think” and I can see where they’re coming from, but what happens when you just can’t really do that? When it’s a bigger thing? When I genuinely do care about what people (not the masses but the people who are in my life in some way or fashion) think of me? And what happens when you throw faith in the mix…..how we have a discussion….

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