I don’t talk a lot about my family on here and there are various reasons for that. However, this post wouldn’t be complete without explaining the very people from whom I have gotten my artistic side.
But first, by day, I’m an accountant. Real creative, right? 😉 It’s true, I got my degree in accounting and have been working in the financial world for about ten years with the last 6 being specifically in accounting. Now, how does that relate to my creativity? Well, accounting was my “responsible” choice. You see, when I first moved to Seattle, I had actually applied to the Art Institute because what I was most passionate about was music. I wanted to produce. More than that, I wanted to tour and run live shows. I wanted to be a part of this world that brings so much emotion out of people. So, what happened to that dream? I squashed it. I was scared. I wasn’t sure I could do it. It was a lot of money to spend on an Associate’s degree, and honestly, I figured I would be married in 3-4 years and having babies in 4-5 years. Yeah, that was ten years ago. *sigh* Hindsight and such…….The point is, I chickened out. I was scared to take a risk. I was scared to fail at something I wanted so badly. I was afraid that I wouldn’t have a “safe” life, or a comfortable life. So, I did the next best thing, I went into accounting. Yeah, not even close, however, it was something I was good at, it was something I understood, and it spoke to the side of myself that likes things always neat and tidy, balanced and reconciled. A lot of people would say that I made the right choice, and I can’t really agree or disagree because I don’t know what would have happened if I had actually pursued what I was passionate about. I do know that I will always have a job with the degree I hold. I know that I can do a variety of jobs with my work experience, and I know I’m a valuable employee. All of these things are positive, but…….I’m not passionate about accounting. (I know you’re probably thinking “who is??” but believe me, there ARE people who are really, really, REALLY passionate about accounting)
I can already tell this post is going to be long, so I think I should apologize now for that. Ok, continuing on….
As I went through college, taking my various business and accounting classes, I lost sight of my creativity, and I began to think of myself as a level-headed, business person. I was about numbers and bottom lines, not painting pictures in my head or cooking without recipes. I liked control and rules and things in black and white. I mean, I can barely color inside the lines when I color with my nieces and nephews with crayons. Me? Creative? Never. That gene missed me. But lately, as I’ve been opening up more and letting go of old fears, I’ve found this creative side starting to well up within me. Now, I’m not painting murals on my wall or making pottery, but the area that brings out the most emotion in me is music. It has ALWAYS been music.
Let’s go back in time for a minute. My parents are separated now, and are quite the opposites, but what they did share was a love of music. My dad played multiple instruments and sang. My mom played guitar and sang as well. They both wrote music from their heart on various topics. My dad even had a small recording studio in his garage. I grew up listening to the most ridiculous variety of music which in turn has made me an avid music lover. Seriously, if you looked at my Spotify account, you would be so confused as to how I can go from extremely explicit Southern Hip Hop to old, old, OLD school country music (I’m talkin’ Waylon, Willie and the boys), back to Christian worship music, throwing in some classic 80’s rock, 90’s boy bands and current trends. I mean, I am all over the place. And I love it all, for so many reasons. Some songs bring up memories, some spark my thoughts, some make me cry, some just make me happy, some make me dance. Music moves me in every way possible.
Now, I bought an acoustic guitar about 11 years ago and learned to play most of the basic chords. I was pretty involved in my church back then, so I mostly played church songs and when I left the church, I kind of retired my guitar playing. But I still have her. Sometimes I think of busting her out, but I never do. I wasn’t super talented on the guitar, I was average I think. But once, when I was playing, I did find myself writing a song. It wasn’t long. It wasn’t complex. But it was pure, it was a start, it was me. I played it for exactly one person who said it was good, and that was it. I never pushed myself to continue and I don’t feel like I ever had someone who pushed me in that area either.
This memory resurfaced in my mind about a week ago as I’ve been contemplating this new curiosity about my “creative side”. Obviously, I like to write or I wouldn’t have a blog. Am I ever going to write a novel? No. That doesn’t really interest me. What does interest me are songs. And what are songs? A form of poetry. *insert light bulb above my head*
Seriously guys, it was like this “AH-HA” moment that made me feel incredibly stupid that I had never even considered it before. Now, I’m not saying I’m going to go out and start writing chart-topping singles for the biggest names in the music world, in fact, I don’t expect anything major to come from this exploration, but this is something that I want to try because I think there’s a lot that I want to say, and I’ve not been able to find the avenue to express it. I love the honesty that comes out of songs/poems. I don’t want to sugar-coat my life on this blog anymore, I want people to really know who I am and what I’m about and I also want to play with artistic license a bit, exploring parts of myself or parts of this world that I haven’t had the guts to really go into. I want to find total freedom and abandonment in this space and see how that transforms my day-to-day reality.
So, I can’t promise what’s going to pop up on here going forward. Sometimes, it might be a regular post, sometimes it may be poetry, sometimes it may just be pictures of Ginger. But, it will be me expressing myself in some way. I hope you all stick around for it. 🙂 (Below: me jamming out to music, waiting on my bus.)