Mentality

This morning, as I sit here, drinking sparkling water to settle my stomach, I realize something. I have changed. I have changed more than I recognized. I have changed mentally. And to be honest, I’m not sure what to do about this.

The Whole30 was a way for me to reset my body, to find out if there were things I could live without. It was a way for me to kick-start my weightloss. It was a way to test my mental strength. But it also became a way for me to really learn about myself. It became a big turning point for me.

I really have cherished my weekends the past few weeks. I have spent more time with myself, thinking and writing, reflecting and acknowledging. This is the first weekend that I’ve been back to my social drinking activities and I have to say…..I don’t miss it like I thought I did. I don’t like not feeling in control of my decisions, reactions and emotions. I don’t like not maintaining my good choices. I don’t like having an unpredictable schedule. I just…..yesterday didn’t appeal to me. And this morning’s hangover definitely does not appeal to me. I hate this feeling of unsettled and ill. I feel like I let my body down. I have been treating it so well, and yesterday just messed it up.

It’s time I acknowledge that my life has been changed. I’m a different person and it’s OK. It’s good. Now, I get to see where I’m going next, how the pieces all fall.

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