For the past several months, I’ve sat down at various times and pulled out the laptop, opened up my site and stared at a blank page for an hour, then meandered on to other social media in an effort to ignore the block in my head. I hate writer’s block. Mostly because my head will feel full (don’t laugh) and yet I can’t get anything out leaving me feel….constipated. (gross)
Even now, I have no idea where I’m going with this post, but I need to just push through and hope that at some point, I’ll have a break-through and the words will start flowing again. So, I’m just going to start rambling about my life and what’s been on my mind.
A couple weeks ago, there was a tragic and horrific murder in Seattle of a woman who had gone on a date with a man she met online. I don’t even want to go into the details, but needless to say, it shook me up. Being a woman in my 30’s, I’ve been on nearly all online dating sites at one point or another. I mean, it’s just what you do in this day and age to meet people, right? Yeah, that’s what I thought too. But after several disappointing experiences and one semi-scary one, I cancelled all my profiles save for one. I had held on to my Tinder profile mostly for entertainment value, but after the story, I officially deleted that one as well.
It’s hard enough to put yourself out there and meet people and now there’s an added fear of wondering if you’ve met a psycho. It’s terrifying, especially when you have no one to really vouch for them. You know the persona that they’ve created in the cloud, but you have no idea who they really, truly are. I also feel that online dating gave me a way to show myself as “better” and why in the hell should I do that? I am me. That’s it. And I love me, so if someone doesn’t, I should be a-ok with them moving along.
For the past year or two, I’ve had this little saying with my therapist – “out and about” and that was my motto for attempting to be present in my world and meet people (not just men) who I have things in common with, who I can build relationship with. So, with no fallback of any online dating, I have no choice but to keep doing fun things and hoping that one day, maybe I’ll stumble upon someone worthy of me.
So, speaking of doing fun things. I’ve had a pretty great start to my year. I’ve done a couple of awesome art events, a couple of concerts, lots of happy hours with new friends and a couple of trips. Yeah, not too bad. I’m finally feeling like I’m finding good spaces to meet people with like-minded interests, and at the same time, I’m finding incredible value and depth in developing friendships I’ve had for years. I’m learning how to hold everything with an open hand, and to stay fluid.
I love that with one experiment (my whiteboard tracking), it has opened up a whole new world of art and creativity to my life. It’s really unbelievable how far I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole and I’m curious why it took me so long to find it.
Ok, well that’s my rambling for today. It’s perfect weather outside and I’m determined to not spend it stuck on my couch. I think it’s time Ginger and I connected back with the great outdoors. 🙂