I can’t believe I moved. I actually did it. I picked up (some) of my life and drove (back) across the country to a brand new state. To a place I’ve only been twice and the second time you can barely count. Am I crazy? Brave? A risk-taker? Probably all of the above. All I truly know is that I haven’t been happy for a long time, and in the past week, I’ve felt very, very happy.
It’s strange really. And it happened so fast. I feel like I’ve barely had time to process it all. I think that’s probably why I haven’t felt the push to go out and be social over the past week that I’ve been here (has it only been a little over one week?!). I’ve been in such a constant state of flux over the past month that I’ve barely had time to actually gather my thoughts on everything. There was also SO MANY social activities planned in the final two weeks of Seattle, that having some time to myself has been very welcome.
Now that my stuff is finally here I feel like I can begin to live here. I can unpack my boxes and set up my world. And now that that can happen, I feel like it’s imperative that I sit and reflect on all those thoughts I had when moving was a dream. I want to remember the ways in which I wanted to be different, the ideas I had about meeting people, the different habits I wanted to build. It seems daunting because I still don’t feel settled, but really, all I have is time right now. I might as well take advantage of it.
My 35th birthday is next week and I definitely feel sad that I’ll be alone for it. I could have had E here, but I just wasn’t sure what kind of headspace I would be in, so she’ll be here next month. And it will be just as great then as it would have been now, but I do think it will be a bit hard. I’m hoping to take myself out to dinner that night, and then that weekend see a movie I’ve been waiting to come out. So, not a super exciting birthday, but it’ll suffice.
Having BFF gone this month has been strange. I guess, maybe it’s made the transition easier in some ways? I don’t know what it’ll be like when she’s back and the reality of not hanging out is stark. This whole process has for sure taught me that I really cannot predict everything.
The new gig is really great. I like my co-workers, and I like that everyone says “good morning” to each other when they arrive. Getting used to driving every day has been interesting. The divers here are…nuts. I thought I missed Midwest drivers but every time I get on the freeway, I wonder if I’m going to be in an accident that day. They’re so aggressive! I know I’ll adapt and be fine. I’m a good driver, a defensive driver, but it’s just going to take time.
I’m still speaking to my friends almost daily back in Seattle. It’s been a nice transition and doesn’t make me feel quite as alone.
I’m mostly unpacked, except for my artwork (which I don’t have enough room for) and a handful of boxes that don’t need to be unpacked here. I love my space. The studio is the perfect size for me. I don’t feel overwhelmed by it and can keep on top of cleaning and chores pretty easily. Now, I just need to find furniture for it. 😦
My new city is awfully cute and has a myriad of things to do. The one thing I’m not really digging is the young nightlife going on. It seems to be party central here Wednesday-Saturday and as long as my windows are closed and my fan is on, I’m not too bothered, but it just makes me feel…old. Like, really old. In Seattle, I never really felt my age. I’m not exactly sure why, maybe it was having younger friends? Or having lived there for long? Maybe it was because there was so many single people I knew? I don’t know, but I know here, I definitely feel all of my 35 years. I don’t feel like I’m ready for retirement and early-bird specials, but I do feel older. I feel mature and responsible and not at all excited about drinking so much I throw up all night.
My building sits right in between a main road with bars, restaurants and shops, and a residential neighborhood filled with large craftsman houses with perfectly manicured lawns. I feel just like this building, caught between holding on to the young, “I want to meet people and party” side of me, and embracing the old, “let’s have a bbq in the backyard and hang out” side.
I guess only time will tell…and I have a lot of that these days.