I used to be the girl who prided herself on her ability to commit to relationships. Who would hang on forever to people, calling it commitment, love, being a true friend. In all honesty, I think a lot of it was more insecurity than those other qualities. Not saying that I don’t possess them, because I do think that I highly value the people in my life, and I work hard at my relationships, but in the past few years, I’ve really learned how to let go of people who do more harm to me than anything else. I’ve also learned how to take care of myself first which can mean that others, sometimes get the boot.
It’s never easy to remove someone from your life, whether that person is platonic or romantic doesn’t matter. They’re still someone who was important to me at some point, for some reason. I will say though that the more I create clear boundaries for my relationships, the easier it is to see who falls outside those and then to be able to distance myself early on because I know my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities.
I think the hardest part in the whole process of removing someone, or stepping away, or whatever level of letting go it is, is when that person pops back up in your life. It always catches me off guard, and makes me question whether I should have even removed them in the first place if they’re reaching out. Even worse than a random pop up is when I self-inflict the communication (aka me initiating shit because of aforementioned weaknesses and vulnerabilities).
The head and the heart…why are they always in conflict with each other? Maybe that’s how I know relationships are good, when both of my organs aren’t warring with each other.
What seems to be interesting to me though, is that when I make those tough choices, when I choose to move people out of my life who are draining, or only concerned about themselves, who aren’t in the same place, or bring me into a dark space, I find that they’re replaced by better people, by relationships on a higher level. I mean, I don’t want to sound too woo-wooey, but it does feel a bit cosmic, that as I make space in my life, as I clear out the bad or not-quite-right, that what comes in is…..so……sweet.
It’s Thursday night, and I have an amazing weekend planned, and next week, a date, and vacation. Life is not too bad over here in the D. xoxo