I feel so incredibly blessed to have such an incredible network of women in my world. I have women who have been in my life for more than a decade, women who I’ve been my absolute worst with and women who have inspired me and encouraged me to be my very best. Granted, not all of my core women lived in Seattle, but a good majority of them do.
The first year that I moved to Detroit, I missed them a lot, but I think the newness of discovering new friends, new places, etc. kind of overshadowed the immense longing I had for girlfriend time. Now, I have to say, all my friends and I do a damn good job staying in touch despite the distance and time zone difference. But, while it had kept us connected, and those friendships have continued to develop and grow, it doesn’t replace the ease of calling one of them up on a Saturday morning and having a spontaneous day of hanging out. That is what I miss so much. And I’ve been missing it desperately over the past couple of months.
My friend circle here has grown, and yes, I enjoy developing those relationships, but it just doesn’t fit as well as a friendship that has spent thousands of hours together, laughed and cried together, shared vulnerable moments and come out of fights and petty arguments on the other side, stronger, fiercely loved, and more connected. I miss the ease, and sometimes I just don’t want to be around people that I have to work at. I just want that comfort and familiarity. I want to be the priority to someone.
I miss them all. So much. I’m lonely. So very, very lonely these days. I’m sure it’s a season. I’m sure I’ll move out of it eventually and get back into going places alone and inviting my new friends to events that interest me, but right now, it just kind of blows. It blows a lot. There are so many parts of me that are so happy right now with so many areas of my life, but at the same time, I’m hurting.
I think it’s caught me off guard because I expected that as I approach year two in my new life, that I would feel more secure and more rooted here, and I would say that that is 90% true. I just wish I could have my friends here. I’m so desperately tired of feeling lonely.